Sleeping Lydia
by The Cowgirl Bookworm
Summary: A retelling of the classic tale of "Sleeping Beauty", with a large helping of our favorite movie. With Lydia as the beauty and Beetlejuice as the prince, what couldnn't go wrong? Oneshot Review please!


Once upon a time in a land far, far, away there lived a beautiful princess named Lydia. She was as pale as alabastar with hair as black as a raven's wing and eyes so deep it seemed the night itself lived in her. Her father King Charles and her step mother Queen Delia ruled the country. When Lydia was just a child three fairies came to bless her and give her family gifts. Two of them gave her beauty and wisdom but before the last fairy could give her gift, an evil fairy appeared in the room.

She leaned over Lydia, sleeping quitely in her cradle. "What a prescious child, it would be terrible if something happened to her." Her parents stood by helpless as the fairy surveyed the room. "Oh dear, only three place settings. Was I not invited? No matter, she will still get my blessing." She placed one pointed nail on the baby's forehead. "When this child reaches the age of sixteen she will prick her finger on a spindle and surely die!" With a blast of smoke, she vanished into the air.

The queen gathered the now crying baby into her hands. The last fairy, named Juno, stepped foward. the King beseeched her to undo the curse but alas, it could not be done. "I can not undo the curse but I can altar it. When she grows up she shall prick her finger, but she and the castle shall fall into a deep sleep that will last for years until her true love awakens her and everyone with a kiss."

* * *

Many years passed and the King decreeded that all spindles in the kingdom must be burned. On the day a huge bonfire of sewing implements licked at the sky Lydia stood on her balcony and watched helplessly, she didn't even know what a spindle was. Why were her parents so concerned about a spindle? After the fire had burned itself out, and only embers remained she stole out, pass the guards. She had never experienced a rush like this before, doing what everyone had forbidden her.

Blackened wood was everywhere when she arrived where the fire had been. Curiously she picked up a scorched pice of wood, a beloved tool for some young girl. Lydia wondered if even though it was burned, wether it was sharp. Lifting her index finger, she touched it. Blood welled out from the wound, splashing onto the ground.

A heavy sleep descended on her, evidence of the fairy's magic. She lay on the ground in a peaceful sleep as Juno materialized by her. With a single snap of her fingers Lydia now lay in her bed, in a gown as black as the night with silver thread and diamonds sewn into the material and a silver circlet with obsidion set in it. Juno placed a sign next to her, proclaiming that whoever kissed her and woke her from the sleep would become King of this land.

And just to prevent anyone who was not worthy she placed a large hedge of rose bushes that would only move for the man who Lydia was destined for. Seeing her work with a satisfied nod she traveled back to her cottage, content to wait the years for Lydia to awaken.

Ten years passed and he still did not come.

Twenty years passed and he still did not come.

Fifty years passed and he still did not come.

One hundred years passed and he still did not come.

Two hundred years passed and he still did not come.

Three hundred years passed and still he did not come.

* * *

The town full of citizens that lived beneath the rose hedge had forgotten all about the sleeping princess and the King and Queen. Oh sure, for the first hundred years they were remembered but soon they faded into legend, specters on the outskirts of society.

One day as a yound shepard watched his sheep in the fields he noticed a figure astride a horse coming. He jumped up, leaving his sheep and raced into town to spread the word. "A prince is coming! He sits a horse as black as the night! A prince comes!" Everyone hurried since the prince was coming and put out their best wares and prepared the best room for him at the inn.

The baker put out his best pastiries and bread, the blacksmith lay out armor and swords, and the women weaver spread blankets on the ground so his horse would not touch the dirt. People lined the streets anxiously waiting the arrival of the prince. A cheer went up as the horse entered the village. It quickly died as they got a good view of him. He wore a black and white striped suit, with a jagged toothed smile and a head so full of blonde hair that stood on end it made him look like he wore some godforsaken halo. Black circles outlined his eyes, evidence he got little sleep.

As he passed by the maidens that had _once _been expecting a handsome prince he gave them a large wink. They scoffed and went back to their houses, chatting about how incredibly _ugly_ he was. He settled his horse into a stable and headed for the tavern. He burst in and immediatly showed himself as someone who liked to chase the skirts by running his hands all over the girl who brought him his beer.

"And they say that she was the most beautiful girl ever. Boy, she would have been fine." Keen on this, the man lounged next to the crowd of men gathered around the story teller. oneo f them, a paticuraly tough looking man with a scar that ran across his face leered at him. "Just who do you think you are?"

Our hero cleaned his fingers on his jacket, as if it did much. "Oh, just a poor waylaid traveler. So who's this braud you're talking about?" The men laughed. "You got a name, stripe-boy?" "As a matter of fact I do, Beetlejuice" The scarred man aimed to puch him but soon found his nose bloodied and Beetlejuice standing above him.

"So, who is the girl you were talking about?" One of the men stammered out his answer. "S-she was a princess, Lydia. Everyone said she was beautiful, but then she just dissappeared." "And what's with the big bush up there, huh? Does someone here like gardening?" The men shook their heads. "Been there as long as we have remembered." Late that night Beetlejuice tossed and turned in his sleep. His dreames were filled with beautiful ladies, castles and roses.

Surely it wouldn't matter if he just looked at the hedges? God damn, he needed some good sleep. He got up very early and ventured to the hedges. He reached out to touch them, and they backed away. frustrated he went forward again. And they backed away. He kept moving through the hedge until Beetlejuice finally entered the castle courtyard. Animals and people snored in every available corner. he walked up to one of the men and began yelling at him. "Hey! Loser! What is this place? Where the hell am I?" The man gave a gargled snore and turned over.

Beetlejuice continued up the steps to the main part of the castle, he had no need to open the doors, they had rotted away. He skipped up the stairs, pickpocketing some silver candlesticks on his way. A loud roar suddenly echoed through the castle. Beetlejuice wandered to where he thought the roar had come and peeked inside. A redheaded man and woman were in a plush four posted bed, and the woman snored like a howler monkey.

He continued upstairs, some unknown force bringing him to the tallest tower. As he walked in the room he noticed a mound of cobwebs and dust, and it seemed to be breathing. An old banged up piece of wood sat next to pile of dust and dirt. He picked it up and blew off the dust, snezing at the same time. "Hmm, let's see. Preety girl, kiss, hot damn! Whole kingdom! For me? You shouldn't have." He quickly tried to clean off the area by Lydia's head.

Sure she was dusty, and had a cobweb coming out of her nose, but he imagined once she got cleaned up she'd be one fine looking girl. And besides, who wouldn't want a kingdom? He leaned down and planted a big, wet, smooch on her lips. Lydia's eyes fluttered, taking in the sight of an incredibly dirty man, giving her a French kiss. She felt his tongue in her mouth, and politely, bit his tongue hard.

Beetlejuice backed up, did she just bite him? Hurridly Lydia raced out of the room, trying to find her parents. It wasn't that hard to follow Delia's snores. She and Charles were just yawning like they'd woken up from a four hundred year nap, when Lydia barged in. "Dad, you have to see this." "Just a minute Lydis darling, Dady's tired." "It's _Lydia _Dad, now come on!" She physically pulled him up to her room. Charles' grogginess left him as soon as he saw the blonde haired man picking his teeth on Lydia's bed.

"Who the _hell_ are you?" The man flipped over and extended a hand. "Beetlejuice, actually, King Beetlejuice to you. Now where's my preety little bride? Ah, there you are sweetness. Come here, give your Beejy a big fat kiss." Lydia tried to press her body behind her father more.

"Now, I'm the king here. You are a imposter." smoke

"No I'm not, here read this." He picked up the piece of wood and gave it to Charles.

"Alright. Here lies Princess Lydia, the most beautiful woman in the kingdom. Whoever kisses and awakens this princess will rule the kingdom through life and through death. They shall be this Princess' true love and she shall love him in return. Oh, hell. Who's the moron that came up with this?" A cloud of smoke appeared and then blew away as Juno stood there. "_I'm_ the moron that came up with this. You're not going to live forever Charles. It would be better to give her and her true love the throne."

Charles saw the wisdom in the fairy's words and seeceded the throne to his daughter and son-in-law. Lydia soon found love in Beetlejuice and he couldn't help but love her. Their wedding was the most talked about event in the kingdom, and the townspeople quickly forgot that they had once despised their King. With Beetlejuice's ideas and Lydia's logical thinking the Kingdom enjoyed a long reign of peace and prosperity. And they all lived happily ever after.


End file.
